Wedding day! 

My beautiful friend set this up for us.. 

Hello
We’re raising £5000 to Pay for Laura’s wedding because she’s got stg 4 cancer that’s spread to her brain. Please donate to my JustGiving Crowdfunding Page and help make it happen:
https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/laura-saull?utm_id=2
It would be amazing if you could have a look at my crowdfunding page and please share as much as possible 

Thank you for your continued love and support 

Love Always x 
Thanks for your support
PS. With JustGiving Crowdfunding anyone can raise money to fund their own project – anything from setting up a foodbank, to buying a wheelchair for a relative or even saving a local football club. Want to raise money to make good things happen? Start your Crowdfunding Page today.
https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/?utm_id=3

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The doctor explained that she was sending me for a CT scan on my brain.

I was confused and didn’t understand why this was happening.

She explained that due to my chronic fatigue and sickness they just wanted to scan my brain to make sure everything was OK.

“I’m sure we will find nothing to be concerned about,” she said.

But all I felt was dread.  They don’t send you for brain scans for the sake of it.

So I was wheeled up to the CT scanner and had a brain scan.

I returned after my scan to the oncology unit and met with the doctor again.

She had decided to put my chemo on hold due to the treatment making me so poorly.

It was decide that they wanted to change my treatment plan completely and we were sent home in a daze with no real idea of what would be happening next.

The next day we got a phone call. Sam answered and we were asked to come and see my consultant within the hour.

We arrived and sat down with the consultant – I knew instantly something was wrong.

“Your cancer has spread to your brain” they said.

I sat there, blank, not knowing what to say,

I was numb whilst the consultant explained what we needed to do next – start radiotherapy as soon as possible to try and control the cancer in the brain,

“It won’t get rid of it but it’s possible to stop it from growing,” they said.

All I could say was: “OK, OK, OK.”

So the new plan consists of 5 radiotherapy treatments on my brain, 1 radiotherapy treatment on my back – then we meet again to discuss the next steps which will include more chemotherapy and other treatments including injections in my bones.

It’s a blur.

But all I know is that I have to be strong to fight this.

I now have cancer in my chest, spine, bones, ovaries and brain.

All I can say is that’s enough now, no more!

We walked out of that meeting and both cried. I think we were more in shock than anything else but it passed and this news has made us more determined than ever to fight this cancer..

2016

So Christmas and the New Year are over so I thought I would share with you guys how mine went.

Firstly we moved house. I say we but I went for a week break in Dorothy House whilst Sam moved us into the new place.

Before ,if you had asked me if I enjoyed moving, I would of said no. But not being well enough to move or even help a little made me realise that I am just too poorly.

Cancer really does touch every part of your life. I always said to myself that I would never say it’s unfair that I have cancer because this is my life now and the “what ifs” can be terribly harmful to anybody’s mental state.

And I know it’s a cliché but it can always be worse and I would rather I have this disease than another have in my place.

Sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent there… haha my brain often does that.

So we moved 7 days before Christmas (we are still living out of boxes), and in that time I went downhill.

Everything hit, pain, sickness and the dreaded fatigue so they gave me more blood and it helped.

I was able to have a few days of peace – the sickness and pain stayed but I had more energy and at this point I’ll take anything and be extremely grateful.

So I left Dorothy house and moved into our new cottage. It was an adjustment (so many stairs) but it was home and I’m looking forward to making it our own – the place needs a lot of work but it’s ours and that’s the important thing everything else is just ascetics.

Our next crazy move 3 days before Christmas was to add an addition to our little family – a puppy!

Her name is Betty and she is a beautiful little wired hair Hungarian vizla.

We fell in love the first time we met her and now couldn’t imagine life without her. She is a typical puppy but we have noticed that she gravitates towards me.

The breeder informed us that these type of dogs will sense when someone is ill and will become a protector – she is my little protector and it’s true straight away we noticed her pull towards me.

She of course  loves everybody but with me it’s like she knows that I am pretty poorly.

Whether you believe in these sorts of things or not I don’t know but I feel she knows. So we have a puppy running around and I’m still pretty unwell.

The blood has worn off so they gave me more  – but this time it didn’t work and I had one of my worst weeks so far.

When I wasn’t crying in pain I was falling asleep sat up. The pain was unbearable and the doctor came out to see me and decided to increase all pain medication.

So now I’m in a state of half with it and half not until my body gets used to the increase in pain medication.

Well that’s what I’m hoping, as living in this half state of awareness is not something I think I can’t  live with.

Even holding a conversation with Sam is proving so difficult and I don’t want to live where I cannot talk to the amazing friends and family I have in my life.

I feel that wouldn’t be a life worth living but I will never give up trying to make this work and fighting to be well again. I have so many people to fight for now as well as myself.

We made it to Christmas Day and Sam is shook me awake.

He seemed nervous and was desperate for me to get out of bed.

I came downstairs and we open presents and we get to the last one and I unwrap tiny bottles with beautiful notes inside – Sam asked me to marry him!

It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I am so in love with this man who is my everything, we were on a high for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, over the next few days I became poorly again.

I could hardly move, no energy, just no life in me at all. We went to chemo on the Tuesday and the team took one look at me and called the doctor, the doctors were worried so immediately cancelled chemo..

Within 2 hours, everything had changed…

3 weeks of hell

Hey guys!

I’m back 😊

The last three weeks I think I can honestly say have been the hardest of my journey so far.

They have been absolute hell and it was starting to feel like it would never end.

Everyday I woke up and was sick, and had horrible tummy problems and sometimes inncontance because I was too poorly to move.

The pain was unbearable due to not being able to keep medication down.

I had sleepless nights, spent days crying from early evening till the sun came up.

I was exhausted because I never got a break. I had countless hospital appointments, countless home visits from nurses and doctors – just to get my symptoms under control.

I’ve had so many medication changes and Sam has had to give me painful injections. 

I spent many days just trying not to give up.

Eventually the doctors gave me my first blood transfusion and things started to change. 

I had a little more energy to fight the sickness and pain. 

Then the doctors managed to get the right medication combinations to manage the pain and sickness – at last a relief

3 weeks later and after losing a stone in weight, I was starting to feel OK again.

My muscles started to waste again and I was incredibly weak but I could hold a conversation, enjoy a drink and even have some nutella on toast.

  
 I had a second blood transfusion and I got another boost this week. The hope is this contiunes and I continue to get stronger and continue with the chemo and continue fighting.

I’ll need to start building my muscles and learning to eat again.

 It’s another fresh start but I think we finally are managing all those bloody chemo/cancer side effects.

 All I can say is thank God for morphine!

Love Laura,

Xx💕💕💕

Rt3 weeks of hell

Hey guys!

I’m back 😊

The last three weeks I think I can honestly say have been the hardest of my journey so far.

They have been absolute hell and it was starting to feel like it would never end.

Everyday I woke up and was sick, and had horrible tummy problems and sometimes inncontance because I was too poorly to move.

The pain was unbearable due to not being able to keep medication down.

I had sleepless nights, spent days crying from early evening till the sun came up.

I was exhausted because I never got a break. I had countless hospital appointments, countless home visits from nurses and doctors – just to get my symptoms under control.

I’ve had so many medication changes and Sam has had to give me painful injections. 

I spent many days just trying not to give up.

Eventually the doctors gave me my first blood transfusion and things started to change. 

I had a little more energy to fight the sickness and pain. 

Then the doctors managed to get the right medication combinations to manage the pain and sickness – at last a relief

3 weeks later and after losing a stone in weight, I was starting to feel OK again.

My muscles started to waste again and I was incredibly weak but I could hold a conversation, enjoy a drink and even have some nutella on toast.

  
 I had a second blood transfusion and I got another boost this week. The hope is this contiunes and I continue to get stronger and continue with the chemo and continue fighting.

I’ll need to start building my muscles and learning to eat again.

 It’s another fresh start but I think we finally are managing all those bloody chemo/cancer side effects.

 All I can say is thank God for morphine!

Love Laura,

Xx💕💕💕

Being well enough to blog..

Hi Guys

I’m back at last, well I think anyway, I’m getting there may be the best way to describe it. The last few days or it may even been a week since I last posted I have been incredibly unwell, I might even go as far to say its the worst I have felt since leaving hospital.

It started with the nausea that led to full blown sickness that led me unable to keep any of my tablets down and more importantly my pain medication down. I felt paralyzed by both the sickness and pain battling each other. Days were spent bedridden struggling even to hold even a conversation with Sam, I know these last days have also taken a massive toll on Sam but he as always has handled the situation with love and humor.

On Monday the district nurse came as usual to do bloods, Picc line and drain and we went through how the sickness has effected me and she said that we should of called and they would of come to give me an injection to help…we had no idea, we were already using three types of anti-sickness medication and thought we had run out of options. Within half an hour the nurse came back with the injection and administered whist teaching Sam how to give the injection also. Within the hour I had relief, the first sense of relief I have had in what had felt like a very long time. The only downside was the injection causes drowsiness so within the hour after that I was asleep, however it was worth it because at last I could take my pain relief.

I didn’t realise how drastically my health would change daily but now I’m coming to understand that I need to listen to my body more. With that being said, I will still try for daily blogs as that was always what I set out to do, although I may have to miss a day or two sometimes, I will always post as soon as I’m well again as this blog means so much to me and being able to connect with so many people.

Thank you for your patience and love

Love Always x

A little update….

Hi all,

It’s Sam here, just wanted to give you all a quick update. Laura has not been feeling well the past couple of days (side effects of chemo) and she has been feeling really unwell. A lot of throwing up, hot sweats and bone ache. She will update as soon as she can do and is feeling better.

Thanks all again for your support and love.

Sam

x