Last night was pretty bad, I hardly slept at all.
The oxygen machine provided to me hadn’t been working properly and was so loud that I just couldn’t switch off.
When I did get to sleep around 4.30am, Sam soon woke me up to have my medication and I started coughing a lot.
My shortness of breath made my anxiety really bad and I could hardly breathe. Sam tried to relax me by rubbing my back but it wasn’t working like it normally does.
I tried methods I had researched on the internet for when panic takes over but nothing seemed to be working – if anybody has any tips for anxiety and shortness of breath I would really appreciate it.
I was also in a lot of pain with my back. We decided the best thing to do was to have some morphine as it would help my pain and relax me, it took around 45 minuets but it started to work and I was able to sit and breathe.
After my meds I decided to shave my head as my hair has been so itchy since it started falling out.
Even though I wanted to do it, shaving my head just made everything seem more real.
Sam tried to keep it light hearted. But for me, and I’m sure all other girls will understand, it is a horrible feeling knowing I won’t have my hair.
Sam says i’m still beautiful and it just makes me look alternative, this made me smile.
Like I said it all just became very real at that point. Sam went out shopping and I wrote notes about things I have to do in the next few days. If I don’t write them down I will forget due to my chemo brain.
Even doing that was a struggle due to my lack of concentration. I felt sick almost all day and I could hardly eat again.
Sam tries to encourage me but sometimes it is just too hard. I then fell asleep for quite a few hours, before waking up in time to be sick and go to bed.
Sam moved the breathing machine to another room so it wouldn’t be so loud and sorted out the oxygen line, so that it would work better.
We got into bed and had our usual silly chats in bed….. hopefully i’ll get more sleep tonight after a very emotionally crazy day.