When I woke up my anxiety seemed OK. However as soon as I started moving I stopped being able to breathe properly and it all started again.
All I want is for this to end now. It is starting to take over my life and I just can’t take it. I don’t know if it’s conscious or subconscious but I just can’t seem to get it under control.
Even with Sam comforting me it just won’t seem to calm down.
After a meagre attempt at breakfast, we went to the hospital to get my bloods done ahead of chemo on Tuesday.
We headed to the chemotherapy suite (always find this strange as it makes it sound like a luxurious hotel room) at the hospital, as my bloods have to be taken by a specialist nurse from my picc line.
When I arrived I just couldn’t stop sweating. I think this is part morphine and part anxiety, but it is horrendous and so uncomfortable.
We had a chat whilst we were there with a palliative care nurse, which always scares me as it makes me always think of “end of life.”
They reassured me i’m not having end of life care and that they are just trying to help me manage my anxiety. I was given a leaflet and a plan by the nurse which details specific breathing exercises which should help me calm down.
Fingers crossed it works.
We went home and I had another nap. I can’t explain how much it takes out of me when we do a trip to the hospital.
We have the struggle of getting in the car, trying to find somewhere to park, getting to the ward, waiting around to be seen, then all the stress from the chats that I can’t quite take in because of my chemo brain.
It doesn’t sound much but to me it is absolutely knackering.
After a nap, Sam made me some dinner and we headed to bed early as we have another big day ahead of us tomorrow with chemo treatment (my bloods came back fine).
We’ll have our chats and try and get some sleep.