When you start chemo, they suggest you write a diary to track how crap you’re feeling from the side effects of the treatment.
During my first lot of chemotherapy I was determined to do that – but finding the smallest amount of energy to capture how poorly I was feeling was too hard.
But this time round, I am determined to do it.
I woke up this morning at 8.30 after going to sleep at 6pm last night.
Sam tried to wake me for a dinner of tuna steaks and veg last night (I’m on a special no-sugar diet during chemo) but it was just too difficult.
Yesterday I spent the day resting and not doing much other than watching awful daytime TV. I find that I’m exhausted on Thursdays and Fridays after my chemo on Tuesdays.
I really want to get the words right to try and explain what I feel like but it’s so hard to describe.
When my friends ask how I am feeling today I usually say: “well I can imagine it’s like being hit by a bus.”
The first hour in the morning before my morphine kicks in is always the worst.
I wake and I cry. Then I have to try and eat.
I know I have to eat to keep strong but forcing the food down is sometimes unbearable and I lost the taste for food after my first round of chemo.
Sam is currently cooking all meals as I’m too weak to stand and cook.
He has become very inventive to coax me into eating and has a new found love of cooking.
This morning I woke up and couldn’t feel my feet which is a new side effect.
This added with my weak chicken legs makes me really wobbly.
Sam is now just packing up the car so that we can go and visit his mum and dog. This involves military co-ordination and precision as we need all the correct meds, oxygen tank, clothing, dressings as well as the usual stuff such as clothing and toiletries.
The car has to be packed like an impressive game of Tetris. We’re really looking forward to seeing Sam’s mum as she is a one off eccentric, crazy lady who makes me laugh. It will be good to have a break from the same four walls as well.
Love Laura xx