This week has had many highs and lows.
It’s been great in that Dorothy House has been a safe haven and given Sam a break from being my carer 24/7.
Monday and Tuesday were bad days because whilst trying to get my anxiety under control I was put on a lot of medication and one of the side effects was that it made me wet myself.
They don’t tell you that having cancer makes you lose your dignity in so many ways.
The loss of independence is extremely hard to adjust to – I hate that I need help just to get a drink of water.
Tuesday was chemo day. I woke up having wet the bed and thinking about how much my life had changed just hit me really hard.
After 2 hours of having chemo I then went to see the respiratory team to speak to a consultant.
He checked the build up of fluid on my lungs and decided to do another chest drain – the relief after the drain was indescribable – I felt I could breath again for the first time in weeks.
The next step is to have a temporary drain put in so that we wont get to the stage again where I cant breathe.
Tuesday was a long day, but having all the messages from friends and strangers made it feel like I wasn’t alone. Your support is invaluable.
It’s important to Sam and I to talk about how we are feeling and to make sure that we keep communicating otherwise this journey would be so much harder.
In the evening we decided it was important for us to move on after the trolling and not to go to bed feeling sad. We have enough to be sad about.
Every evening (Sorry Sam for sharing this) Sam paints on M2 Beaute eyelash activating serum and M2 Beaute eyebrow renewing serum as I am desperately tying to hang on to my eyelashes and eyebrows – so far this stuff has turned out to be a miracle product as I still have both!
I also have random hair left in random places… the first time around I lost everything within a few days but it seems to be in patches this time.
The next day was a new day, I felt well enough for visitors and it was so good to hang out with friends and talk about everything and anything – it made me feel normal.
I also had a visit from my friend Moomin ( real name Lucinda) and beautiful baby Matilda. We had cake and cuddles and it was really special to me.
The messages I have received from family, friends, new friends and strangers have been incredible.
How I can ever thank you I will never know,
Love Laura xx