Today my hair started to fall out and I’m feeling really sad about it.
Even though it isn’t coming in big clumps, every time I touch my head or move around on a pillow there just seems to be more and more falling out.
It happened last time I had chemo so I guess I should be used to it. But it’s still just so horrible.
I’ve been having continual hot sweats too and my nose won’t stop bleeding.
Not only that, but mentally I just can’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes and I just feel foggy all the time.
It all got too much this afternoon and I started to cry.
I just want to feel well again, even if it is just for a day to give me some relief from this constant illness.
Sam tried to comfort me as best as he could but it’s just too hard sometimes, and I snapped at him.
When I calmed down, I explained to Sam that I want him to know it isn’t him that makes me feel that way. He told me he understands and that it’s not a problem but I still feel awful about it.
Sam snapped today too. We went to his mum’s and her dog Alfie was really over-excited.
Sam couldn’t take it and shouted at him more angrily than I have ever heard him
We spent the rest of the day just relaxing on the sofa and Sam’s mum helped as much as she could, making us food and making mint teas for me.
We watched TV and then slumped into bed and talked about the future and all the things we want to do – including a trip to France and Italy.
We try and have little chats like this every night – it keep us sane in this mental situation.