Last night was a bad night. I hardly slept again as my breathing was so uncomfortable. I had the oxygen tank on all night and I always have to sleep in a weird upright position. Sam made me have my meds at 8.30am but then let me sleep a little bit longer as I was so tired.
He normally wakes me up with a funny little dance which I adore – He is always trying to lighten the mood and make me smile, sometimes with ridiculous outcomes.
We then headed downstairs which as usual was a struggle due to my chest and my jelly legs.
Sam force fed me an orange. its difficult for him and me, we both want me to be healthy but my appetite is so low that Sam struggles with what choices to make regarding food and the balance between eating anything and what food to eat.
I posted a video yesterday, it was the first time I had ever done anything like that before. It was hard to look at myself on the screen because I don’t think I look like me anymore.
But I know I should be focusing on the fact that I am still here and I am still able to fight this disease.
I tried through my chemo brain fog to read some of the comments left by OK! readers today and was again truly overwhelmed by so much love and inspiration and it truly hits home that these people who we have never met care this much to send such kind words.
I have also read of other battles that people have shared and I still find it overwhelming how many people cancer effects and my love and thoughts are with all of you.
Sam had training last week at the hospital on how to change/clean/flush my picc line and it was time for his first try. My nurse guided him through it over Skype.
After that we just relaxed and watched TV, I had morphine for the first time since leaving the hospital and felt quite relaxed after having it, we had jokes at how “floaty” I am on the morphine and it was nice to relax for a little bit (and have a few kips here and there).
Sam attempted to make me a healthy dinner of steak and veg but I could only handle the veg as again I just wasn’t hungry enough.
Then Sam went out and got some clippers to shave my head. We’re doing it now – I’ll post the video tomorrow.