It’s so good to be back!
It has been a few weeks since I last blogged and a lot has happened…
On Sunday the 31st Sam took me into A&E because I was having trouble breathing.
I was back on the oxygen and I couldn’t walk.
After a 6 hour wait I was admitted into hospital because the fluid on my lungs had built up again.
Being told I was being admitted to hospital again was too much. Something switched and I cried and screamed and shouted.
A lot of people stared whilst I was having my mini breakdown. Sometimes it happens – these mini episodes of despair when you feel that you cannot take anymore -but you have no choice but to keep going.
A couple of deep breaths and I pulled myself together (ish). I was exhausted by the end of it – tired, sick and down.
A doctor came to see me and after being promised a chest drain she said that as it was a Sunday the doctor who could do the drain had gone home (at 7pm) and nobody else in the hospital could do the procedure.
I was so down and all I wanted was the relief from the drain, I cried again and begged the doctor to help me but nothing could be done so I was promised that in the morning the procedure would be done.
I was given medication and I don’t really remember much after that. Sam stayed with me until I fell asleep.
In the morning I felt so poorly. I was on oxygen, I couldn’t catch my breath and I couldn’t make it to the toilet on my own. Sam came back at 8am to sit with me whilst we waited for the doctor.
But the doctor didn’t come. At 12pm we sought out a nurse who tried to track down a doctor. A different doctor came to see us and informed us that I wouldn’t be having the drain today and I would have to wait until the following afternoon, again the feeling of despair came. Sam comforted me, it was hitting us both that there was nothing we could do.
The day was a struggle but we got through it. The next day I went for chemo then finally had my permanent drain fitted. I can now have fluid drained when it becomes uncomfortable, so I don’t have to struggle anymore.
We eventually got let home – I was so happy to be home. I ended up spending 4 days in bed sleeping through the pain of having the drain fitted but it was worth it.
Since then I have basically been recovering.
The district nurse comes out twice a week to drain fluid from the drain.
As a result, my breathing has improved and I feel human again.
I do feel stronger as now I only have to deal with the chemo side effects so far
Night times and mornings are still the worse and I have to rely heavily on medication. And my legs are still half the size they were due to not using them enough,.
I am desperate to get physically stronger
This week I have the district nurse coming Monday, chemo and a CT scan Tuesday and meeting with my consultant Thursday to get the results of the CT scan.
It’s all a little scary.
I’m so glad to have you all by my side.