I woke up Thursday morning with a feeling of dread, today is results day from the CT scan so getting through the morning routine felt even more of a struggle. The sickness kicked in ten minutes after waking up along with the aches and pains throughout my body, medication was taken and then we had to leave for the hospital.
After waiting over an hour to see the consultant we finally got the results, according to the scan the cancer has shrunk since starting the chemo, mainly in the chest wall. This is what we had hoped for, the consultant was pleased and insured us that it was the best results we could wish for. I am not sure how I felt hearing the news, I was expecting to feel relief but it didn’t come, I think mentally I was just in battle mode and to get through all of this I have to keep my guard up so I don’t break down.
So the plan is to continue with the same chemo for the rest of the course (another 10 weeks) before the next steps are decided. I know more chemotherapy is on the cards and that scares me, scares me that my life will never be the same, by now I would have thought that this realisation would of kicked in but it still hasn’t. I will never give up or refuse chemotherapy but getting my head around a life of chemotherapy and being so poorly is still too much to get my head around.
It was a relief to leave the hospital it was very suffocating, I cried on the way to the car. I didn’t really say much and Sam didn’t have to ask he was just there being my rock as always. When home I crawled into bed and couldn’t concentrate on anything so just stared into nothingness, I couldn’t process anything so I just stared. Sam came and laid with me and we just laid in silence until the body pain started and I had to be boosted with medication again. The evening went by in a blur and I was looking forward to the day being over and starting the next day with a fresh start.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me
Love Always x